


April Fools

by JWade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:43:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14168157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWade/pseuds/JWade
Summary: Happy April Fools Day everyone! Let's check out Gabriel's latest trick on Dean :)





	April Fools

Gabriel smirked as he saw Dean sitting at the bar getting plastered. This was gonna be so much fun. He should know better than to be out after midnight on tonight of all nights. As of ten minutes ago, it became April Fool’s day. Gabriel’s favorite day of the year. He sauntered over and plopped himself next to Dean. “How’s it going, Deano?” he asked cheerfully. 

“Gabriel?” Dean asked squinting drunkenly at the archangel.

Gabriel suppressed the urge to laugh. Oh yes, this would be a glorious night. And maybe he could manage to get laid in the process. He slid another shot in front of the inebriated hunter, and said, “Yup. Popped in on your brother to say hi, and he wanted me to make sure you got home okay. Said you had a witch to deal with earlier.”

“Yeah. Stupid bitch nearly killed me,” Dean grumbled, downing the shot Gabriel had provided. It was an hour later before Gabriel managed to entice him out the door and Dean was barely walking. In fact, he passed out as soon as he fell into the bed. Not that Gabriel planned to let him know that. 

 

The next morning:

Dean groaned as he tightened his arms around what he assumed was his latest conquest. He couldn’t remember the last time he drank so much. He was so out of it that it took him a few minutes to realize that something wasn’t right. He creaked open an eye to peek at what was going on, and then both of his eyes flew wide open and he screamed and tumbled out of the bed. He was desperately hoping that his eyes were playing tricks on him, or someone else was playing tricks on him, and the perfect culprit sat up in the bed and looked over and down at him. “You okay Deano? Billie Jean and I were enjoying our cuddles.”

“You…but…I…GABRIEL!” Dean stammered before bellowing the archangel’s name. That bellow seemed to startle ‘Billie Jean’ who bleated in alarm and jumped to her four legs and out of the bed looking for escape. 

“Look what you did. Now you scared, Billie Jean,” Gabriel scolded. “Come on, baby. He didn’t mean it. I’m sure he still loves us,” the archangel cooed at the goat beckoning it back over. 

“What…how…what did you do to me?!” Dean hissed heatedly. 

“I think it’s more what you did to us there, Deano. I mean, when I suggested Billy Jean here join us last night, I never expected you’d take me up on it, but you definitely made it worth our while,” Gabriel said suggestively. 

Dean closed his eyes, trying not to think about what Gabriel meant. The fact that he was naked, and Gabriel seemed to be too, didn’t bode well for that. Part of him was instinctively reaching for the memories that were missing, while the conscious part of him was begging it all to be a dream. Sleeping with Gabriel would be bad enough, but the addition of the goat…no. He didn’t want to go there. “No. I didn’t. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t,” he shook his head in horrified denial. 

The goat seemed to hang her head, prompting Gabriel to walk over, still buck naked, and try to soothe her. “That’s okay, darling. He’ll come around once the baby is born,” he said softly. 

“BABY!?” Dean screeched. 

“Well, sure. You decided that a half human-half goat baby might be fun, so you asked me to make it happen. I made a few modifications to Billie Jean so she’s carrying your baby now,” Gabriel said cheerfully, watching as what little color was left in the hunter’s face faded and he fainted. 

Now that Dean was out, Gabriel was free to laugh his ass off. His arm went around the goat’s neck to keep himself from hitting the floor completely from his kneeling position. Just as Gabriel managed to get his laughter under control, the door opened to reveal a sleepy Sam who was apparently woken by the ruckus. Sam looked from the goat that a naked Gabriel was hanging on, to his naked brother passed out on the floor and back to the archangel and the goat. “I don’t even want to know,” Sam muttered sleepily and closed the door and walked away. That set Gabriel off again. 

When he once more had control of his faculties, he went over to the passed out hunter and snapped up some smelling salts to wave under his nose, making sure that both he and the goat were positioned where the hunter would see them when he opened his eyes. When he saw the hunter’s eyes opening, he grinned and said, “Wakey, wakey sleepy head. We have a lot to do. Goats only carry babies for five months you know and there’s a lot of babyproofing do around here.”

Dean shoved both the archangel and the goat away as he jumped to his feet, swaying and groaning as he held his head at the sudden movement. God he was too hungover to be dealing with this right now. “No. Just…no. I don’t give a fuck what kind of crazy ass shit you talked me into while I was drunk, I am not raising some freaky ass goat baby. Not gonna happen.”

“But Deano! You can’t abandon our baby!” Gabriel said scandalized. 

“Our?!” Dean’s eyes widened even further. 

“Well, yeah. I mean, human seed with goat embryos wouldn’t work without a bit of archangel thrown in to stabilize them. The three of us are going to be parents in a few months,” Gabriel told him as though it should be obvious. 

“The hell we are. Just…get that thing away from me. And you go with it!” Dean snapped, grabbing for his robe. 

“Thing? Is that how you talk to the mother of your child?” Gabriel scolded, making like he was covering the goat’s ears. 

“It’s a fucking goat!” Dean scoffed. “It’s not like it has feelings!”

“If you cut her does she not bleed?” Gabriel asked dramatically. 

“I swear to god Gabriel, if you don’t get the hell out of here and take that beast with you, I will bring out the holy oil,” Dean hissed. 

“Well fine. If you change your mind and want to be a part of our child’s life, you know how to contact me,” Gabriel said imperiously, wrapping a hand around the goat’s collar. Before he disappeared though, he said, “Oh and Deano?” 

“What?” Dean snarled, spinning to look at him. 

“Happy April Fool’s Day,” Gabriel said with a shit-eating grin as he and the goat both disappeared.


End file.
